Hi, guys!
Lex Talionis here—you may know me better by my Hebrew name (translated into English, of course) An Eye For An Eye. I prefer the Latin. However, I’ll answer to whatever reference point the caller uses. Sorry to butt in, but I need a moment with Irony.
First, what a masterpiece!
Oh, Irony—this latest Supreme Court appointment? Wow—poetry, sheer poetry. Brett Kavanaugh, witch hunter, starts accusing others of hunting him while remaining, possibly stubbornly, unaware of his own past. Poetry.
There’s a chorus of witches that gathers on my street corner every Friday night for a street jam—oh, did you hear the hisses? No, it wasn’t an audience reaction to the witch’s jam, it was the actual song. Your work inspired them to experiment with the musical form, mix it with common jeers heard at sporting events.
OH, and when Lindsey Graham had that nervous breakdown over the hearings and started caterwauling, “They’re just trying to ruin the man.” With a straight face, he said it. That night, the witches broke into a special unrehearsed, impromptu doo-wop rondo singing something about, “in a true witch hunt / the hunted don’t survive.” It’s hard to do it justice here, but suffice it to say, you’re an inspiration.
"There’s a chorus of witches that gathers on my street corner every Friday night for a street jam—oh, did you hear the hisses? "
Why I’m here—
I love my job, and I love you, Irony. You’re like the best co-worker ever. Nobody makes me laugh harder for longer—especially when you go after any person or thing, group convinced of its rectitude. However, and I’m only saying this because we must give credit where credit is due, so, and don’t forget I love you (that’s very important, always remember that)—but I must inform the audience as to my role in the recent Supreme Court nomination brouhaha.
My role as co-author of mayhem—
So, I don’t necessarily expect a co-author credit for this piece of work. However, a quick shout out would be nice. Some sort of acknowledgment as a sort of consultant. Because, Irony, and I love you so hard, but you did quiz me when we were both trying to talk Democracy down from the ledge, as it were, when she was pretty much fed up with humanity, as they are now, continuously doing her wrong.
In fact, Democracy and I have indeed penciled in a meeting to start an outline of a soliloquy we’re co-authoring to deliver through Wu on her grave disappointments over the centuries and to explain what she’s all about.
I digress. The point is, you did quiz me. You said something like, “I need to create a good old-fashioned haunting” or maybe it was, “I need to put out a solid sequel that not only sells well but has legs.” You went on, “I wonder how best I could revisit the Bill Clinton-type thing—the powerful guy takes advantage of the subordinate girl, gets called on it, but never truly has to pay for it—thing.” Remember? And I was like, “What about if you did a mashup of the Bill Clinton impeachment saga and the Clarence Thomas chronicle?” And you gave me that knowing nod that you’ve given me in so many Writer’s Room meetings.
You took it from there—
Admittedly—and like I said I don’t need a co-author credit—this recent Supreme Court thing was mostly your lovely handiwork. You actually got them to quote one another, quote the past and the present, and do it without a shred of evidence as to your presence.
I know you’ve said that you don’t like being ignored, but you’re so good at it. I mean, that’s your thing. Oh, so maybe that’s a joke. Like it would be ironic if Irony didn’t want to call attention to herself. Ha, I get it.
But, still, I’ll continue the thought—you’re the fly on the wall and the elephant in the room. Not one of them, not one person on the committee, seemed to recognize you, even as you bellowed out of their mouths and sculpted the sweat smearing their hysterical faces. Sheer poetry. You’re the best at hiding your hand in and on Plain Sight.
(Plain Sight, you are the ultimate script doctor—getting and taking no credit, completely overlooked. You’re beautiful. I wish everyone could see that.)
One of the most beautiful things and moments in history that I’ve ever witnessed—
My favorite part is the end—nothing like a powerful ending—in which, about the time Kavanaugh is sworn in (for life, haha), Mitch McConnell (love that man, so unwaveringly oblivious) declares, “It is the most important contribution we have made to the country that will last the longest.” Hilarious. I heard the Fates chortle, and wheeze out, “Please sir, don’t make us laugh, we are nowhere near through with you yet.”
In conclusion, well played, Madam!
Your work is choice; but together, we’re unstoppable. Think about it. We play the same music; we love the same games, we bridge the same story gaps. We both devote our existence to messing with humanity, and we’re lovin’ every second of it. Endless fun with humanity as they always think they’re ahead of the game, ahead of us, that now, at long last, they’ve got what they want/need to defy Nature and Reality.
(Sorry, Reality, you’re getting screwed from all ends these days. I can help you express that frustration; we’ll get together and do some brainstorming.)
This last performance? Mercy, girl. Talk about the greatest story ever told—I bet this story has Jesus wringing his hands, thinking, oh my, my, am I going to be dethroned? Is my story going to be bumped off the top spot and downgraded to the second greatest story ever told?
Together, you and me, girl—we could topple the King.
