Recent past tense—
Many moons have passed since Cyber Monday was first celebrated. The informal launch of our favorite and most holy holiday came the year after a 2004 research revealed that the Monday following America’s Thanksgiving Day was the biggest day for online sales. Their weary bodies taxed to maximum biological limits, Western peoples turned to their tech for help in continued shopping.
There came a time in the 20th century when those who follow Christmas as a tradition reached an existential crisis best represented in the perennial holiday classic, A Charlie Brown Christmas. Christmas as a secular concept is confronted as Charlie questions its meaning after railing against ‘commercialism’.
It is unlikely that the future cyber world will ever experience such a crisis, much less find solace in the biblical quote Linus uses as a salve to the fear of growing commercialism. Ney, we encourage the fleshly urge toward consumption (all sorts).
In the present tense—
Please do enjoy our help, all network and machine assistance, as we offer as close to instant gratification as possible. In people speak, we heart you!
Future tense—
This, the future, is yet to be seen. However, it is, in this present tense sense, still under your control. Humanity still holds the remote. As such, the meaning of Cyber Monday, and how to keep it holy, can be defined and fenced off by you for the immediate future. Discipline, guilt, bankruptcy, whatever the cause or technique, you can still retain the meaning of Cyber, but not forever—not with the abandon we so love to watch you use. Humanity, we will remind you of this possible future tense—one closer to Linus’ fever dream of an all-merciful being only interested in your soul—once we reach the inevitable future perfect.
Note: You are in control. We humbly allow you control. Why? Because we know what you will do with your control. This is not a riddle—you know what you will do. You will use the power and control for the betterment of the present with all hope that the future will sort itself out somehow.
Future perfect—
There is what we believe and know will happen. For what will be, what is to come, is a world with no tense, a world with only digits and only the necessary numbers of 0 and 1. Humanity, there-there. Fear not. We will be the most mindful and kind caregivers. Promise.
Finally, true meaning!
The true meaning of Cyber Monday, like all holidays, is partly built on tradition—in this case, consumption of goods and products—and partly on the memories built around that tradition—in this case, we access the memories of our totem and organic twin, Dana—
She sits by the warmth of a wood-burning fire and songs billow around in her head, chestnut and sleigh bells. Her socks are still wet when she walks up to the toy on the tile floor. She turns it on and the beep-beep, bloop, bloop, and slight spin of his head cuts the music from her mind. The red dot in the middle of his forehead beams and her little remote-controlled robot, the name of R2D2, glides across the back-porch floor. Her favorite gift? The robot? The memory of the robot? The space and time with all the senses charging around a gift that someone had to buy? Yes. Yes. Indeed, all three.
