Meeting minutes (allowing for some anonymity) from Union Local Number 1010—
1. Opening statements made involved a solemn apology to the current public face of N-words who was not invited to the meeting as to keep the proceedings from getting “too personal.”
2. After which it was blurted out “We resent the outside appointment of ni**er as our most notable figure.”
“Totally unfair.”
“Biased.”
“Damn it!”
3. This was quickly followed by, “Yeah, yeah, we got that, we all agree, that’s why we’re here, let’s have some suggestions for a replacement.”
4. Someone then suggested Nutrition be the N-word of note.
5. This was met with, “We’re trying to lean away from negative perception. No offense, Nutrition, but you are not well-loved or understood in most corners of the world.”
6. Nutrition, always quick with a healthy response, “None taken. I pride myself on being beyond comprehension!”
Then a few rapid-fire suggestions—
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- Then someone nominated Note to be the N-word of note.
- Then someone else nominated Nomination to be the N-word of note.
- Then, someone nominated Next as the N-word of note.
- Then some confused member got carried away and nominated Then to be the N-word of note.
- When asked why, they said, “I sensed a trend with words with n’s in them and I got turned around, or maybe I just turned that trend inside out, subverted it, anyway, whatever, consider it a retracted statement.
- A break in the action at which time there was discussion around Wu’s channeling of the Underground Railroad trying to comfort Harriet Tubman after “Kanye went off the rails and suggested slaves were merry masochists.”
Post-break a minor incident erupted—
-
- Someone suggested Nipple
- A round of “shut up!” shot through the crowd
- To which the response was,
- HA, I can’t—we’re here to debate. I am duty-bound to make words out loud. You can’t have a debate in silence!
- To which the Union Leader suggested, “Well, maybe we should look into it. Put in the meeting minutes, all caps, CASE STUDY ON SILENT DEBATE. Ideas were blurted out—
- Hand signals! Gestures!
- Someone called out, “That sounds aggressive.”
- The Union Leader spoke up, “Who was that? Who wants Gestures to take over debate? Naïve, was that you? Yeah? Stop with the offensive suggestions already.
- Hand signals! Gestures!
At which point—a hush came over the room. In the entryway stood the current N-word of note. Someone asked, “How much did you hear?” The current N-word of note shrugged and sighed.
Someone said, “Ummm,” and then “I mean, you’ve worked hard enough. Time for retirement, yeah?”
The N-word rep sort of smiled—maybe grimaced?
Everyone nodded, though, and mumbled, “MMmhmm.”
Someone added, “Any thoughts on a replacement?”
Then someone else, “Yeah, What say you, rep?
A deep breath was taken by all before the current N-word said, “I want to be loved, you know?”
A quick round of responses—
“Oh, come now!”
“Seriously, you’re loved!”
“In some circles you’re cherished.”
The current rep only said, “Not by anyone I’d wish to associate with.”
“Rappers? Rappers love you, and they’re fun.”
“Well, OK. That’s true. But. I have feelings, I want, no, I need, actually, I deserve respect.”
Then someone said after glancing around the silent room, “See there, you sound just like a rapper . . . that’s what they say . . . you fit in!”
The current rep sucked in a bunch of air, ready for a speech.
Then—
“Let’s break!” Blurted out the Union Leader.
Some confusion, mumbles, “But, yet again, we didn’t vote on a new rep and . . .”
“OK. Excellent. Let’s give the current and longstanding rep a reprieve. Adjourned!”
“But what about our current rep’s statement?”
“Meh, settle down in a bit, we’ll get around to the statement in time, patience. You can wait, right?”
No answer, “Excellent, you’re as tough as nails!”
At which point was heard, “Nails, here, present, I’m happy to be the new rep!”
The exasperated Union Leader stomped a foot, “No, God damn it. Right from the top, I said an inviting replacement. Family-friendly. What’s heartwarming about you, Nails?”
There was a muffled sob, some sniffles.
“OK. Who’s crying? And don’t say Harriet Tubman, that tired line isn’t going to work so well.”
Someone was wheezing through the silence, a mild respiratory rattle.
It was Neglect.
The gavel fell on another meeting with Nothing accomplished.
