Today’s court proceedings saw God defend his creation to the Universe as both satire and performance art—
After finally hunting down the wily trickster and master of disguise, the Universe decided to offer the triune god a jury hearing or a Lex Talionis-style retribution. God chose trial by jury, stating: “An eye for an eye seems a bit too on the nose, yeah?”
Earth recused herself as a jury member but insisted on viewing the proceedings.
God stands on trial for—
Galactic malfeasance
Littering
Loitering
Desertion
Bribery
Misrepresentation
Coercion
Public nudity
And a host of other not easily translated crimes
"I told a joke to some of the early earthly matter, made up this satirical thought experiment about a beast that walks upright and has this special way of communicating—words—I blurted it out, wasn’t really thinking."
After opening statements were made, God reacted to questioning with—
I told a joke to some of the early earthly matter, made up this satirical thought experiment about a beast that walks upright and has this special way of communicating—words—I blurted it out, wasn’t really thinking.
What happens? A few of the earthly matter bits get together and make that beast.
I don’t know if they were trying to taunt me—all I know is they told this new beast I was their master.
Well, who can resist that sort of devotion? Tell me you could resist it.
So, I play along and tell the beast that they rule over all the other “beasts” and, well, you know, things got out of hand. Tell me you wouldn’t freak out after you saw what they’d become?
Uh, yeah, I ran. You’re damn right I ran. The beast went power crazy—and—it just wasn’t fun anymore after some of them started threatening me. Tell me you’d stay put.
First witness called—
God carried on this way until the first witness, Mars (the planet), was brought on the stand.
Mars, clad in a black cloak and thick sunglasses, recounted witnessing the Earth’s matter attempting to talk humanity down by creating some soul searching, self-management skills, higher cognitive functions—the neocortex and the lot.
Yeah, I witnessed it. I mean, he’s clever, right, kept to acting out mostly in the areas that would be Earth’s back to me.
Well, once some people started using the neocortex and stuff, God focused on those believers still on the fence about him and put on a wild show for involving burning bushes, threatening to kill himself—or his “son” self or whatever.
A tactical maneuver for the “Almighty”—
On this detail, God’s defense shifted sharply to explain his interactions with humanity as “performance art.” Carrying on in his one-sided dialogue manner, he stated—
You all know how gifted I am at performance, particularly mimicry. I’ve been widely celebrated for my talents and, seriously, how could I pass up the opportunity to act as the supreme being to these accidents of nature?
At which point, Mars (the god) snorted out a single HA! before returning to his knitting—a woolen rainbow-colored scarf (in honor of those fallen in the flood) for his planet which he insists will continue to need winter weather gear even after the humans arrive and retro-fit its lovely uninhabitable atmosphere.
In conclusion—
The day’s proceedings ended with God performing an interpretive dance in response to a line of questioning on the issue of The Tower of Babel and the scattering of “races.”
