Ladies: are you unsure how to stand out as a source of envy without attracting bullies?

Are you worried about spies and other techniques of pre-emptive shaming and sinister stalking?

Do you yearn for attention and anonymity at once—wish to standout with the hip crowd but sidestep menacing surveillance tech?

Well, now you can have the best all worlds with—The Medusa!

Have hair that always looks windswept, shiny and wavy with no frizz or split ends!

Be the envy of your social network and threaten any bullies with bodily harm at the same time!

And as an added bonus, this astonishing and stunning new hair weave not only turns heads but also will distract and confuse facial tracking tech!

Be BOLD. Don’t wait to make every day the BEST hair day EVER!

Act NOW—The Medusa is only available while supplies last!

*All extensions are made of mostly harmless, primarily non-venomous, semi-fangless serpents. However, do use with caution. Do not ingest. This item is non-refundable and non-transferable.

Warning: May cause mild neurological effects, including loss of coordination, a persistent slight hissing in the ears, vertigo, loss of sensation, paralysis, blindness, seizures, confusion, dizziness, altered levels of consciousness, loss of breath, slowed heart rate or death due to accidental, unforeseeable venom leakage into open orifices.