On anonymity—
First, do understand that I, as the aforementioned archangel, would like to remain nameless for fear of legal action as anything I say is in breach of contract—thankfully, ours is not a litigious God. However, He is known to threaten suit. Yes, regularly. He is always apologetic, changes His mind, and offers it up as a parable, though. Ultimately, be assured, all is forgiven.
"The Lord, our God, has been keeping a travel journal recounting his time abroad."
Clarity on the second coming of Christ—
Continuing on to the issue at hand, we offer our sincerest apologies for the confusion over a timeframe for the second coming of Christ. The Lord has an usher on his comings and goings, and for some reason, there have been a number of outlandish and bizarre unpredictable circumstances and coincidences in which each usher for his trip home had rerouting issues when delivering Him. Now, in our defense, Christ has indeed had a second coming on many occasions, it is just that they have all been on some planet other than the planet Earth. The Lord, our God, has been keeping a travel journal recounting his time abroad.
Excerpt from Christ’s misadventures and coming home tour—
Excerpt from Christ’s misadventures and coming home tour—
Mercy, how things have changed! Does my voice sound higher? It’s like I’ve been breathing helium. What’s that smell? Like barnyard and cleaning solvents. But, oh, such pretty blues here. So icy. And I was hoping to see a polar bear this time. I’d love to ride one. I was only able to ride a mule last time, and it was boney and temperamental, almost bucked me off with that horrendous bray going the whole time. Polar bears look fluffy and even without a seating apparatus, I bet they are quite comfy. And since I can turn things into fish, I bet we’d be fast friends and that he or she (I understand, ladies, I’m with you) would love me, I’m sure. Wow, the clouds are blinding. Beginning to wonder whether maybe this place isn’t habitable for the people part of me. Hmm.
Note to self: Next time we meet, must tell people about my ideas on energy justice. I have some fairly righteous thoughts on the subject.
Final thoughts from the unknown archangel—
Please know that those who correctly guessed the second coming dates in the past were fully and fairly compensated.
Please do not stop making attempts at prophecy. We love reading your work, and with some good luck, we are bound to get Christ back home to Earth at some point in time.
